To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/J20ceTpBL_Q
SHOW NOTES
This week on the Hope Rescue Podcast, we are on week 3 of 4 in our parenting series. We started our series in Episode 41, where we answered the question: "What are your priorities in parenting?" Last week in Episode 42, we responded to the question: "How do you develop children with values?" And this week we will be answering the question: "How do you deal with negative or positive behaviors?" Make sure you tune in next week as we wrap up our parenting series and answer the two questions: “Do you view your children as a burden or a blessing?” and “What role should you play in your children's future?”
Throughout our parenting series, we are camping in Psalm 127, which says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
Tim starts by emphasizing the importance of reinforcing positive behavior from our children. Sometimes parents focus so heavily on correcting or punishing bad behavior that they forget they can help form positive behaviors by praising their children when they do something favorable. Don’t forget to acknowledge your children when they do something right.
Now when it comes to disciplining our children for disobedience, we have to remember what stage of life they are in. A child should be disciplined according to their age and development. For example, we cannot discipline a two-year-old the same way we would discipline a teenager, because they are at completely different developmental stages. So we are going to break down each age group and discuss how to discipline appropriately.
Kimberly explains that her daughter-in-law is a wonderful teacher to their grandson who is a year and a half old. She explains that when the grandson begins to behave unfavorably, his mother steers him away from that behavior and towards a more appropriate behavior, and if he chooses to follow her lead, she says out loud to him, “Good choice.” This reinforces his good behavior instead of shaming him for making a poor choice. She gives him an opportunity to make a better decision and reinforces when he does the right thing. This is a great example of how to reinforce behavior in the earliest stages of development.
Tim quotes Proverbs 13:24 which says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” He also quotes Proverbs 22:15, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Tim explains that corporal discipline should be used appropriately before a child reaches the stage of adolescence. It is never acceptable to beat your child, but if children cross a line that they knew they shouldn’t have crossed, it is appropriate to spank him or her to teach them and steer them in the correct direction. Tim emphasizes that if a child is going through or has gone through puberty, corporal punishment is no longer appropriate. Tim also explains that discipline always looks to the future, but punishment always looks at past behavior. We should only discipline our children, never punish. When we discipline our children, we need to explain that we are disciplining them to correct future behavior and prevent them from hurting themselves in the future. We should never look back at something our children did and punish because at that point it is about revenge and not correction. Tim says, "When you are thinking about revenge when you discipline your children, you're actually punishing them. When you're looking forward to an alternative future that is better than their past, you are disciplining them.” Kimberly says, “When we punish our children by bitterly looking at the past, it creates an environment of shame instead of a hope for a better future.”
Going into the adolescent stage of parenting, we start to wear two different hats: parent and coach. As our children begin to exercise their independence in the adolescent years, we have to switch from disciplinarian to coach. There may still be times when they need to be disciplined, but it isn’t the same as when they were young children. We have to allow our children to make mistakes, and we have to teach them to fail forward. When we allow our children to fail, they feel safe later in life to process their failures with us.
Lastly, when our children become adults they are past the point of discipline. If you have taken the necessary steps in their younger years to discipline and coach your children as they grow up, this can be the most exciting and rewarding stage of parenting yet. Tim quotes Proverbs 29:17, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” If we properly discipline our children when they are young, we will literally sleep better as adults and they will be a delight to us, not a burden or a worry. Tim says, “Our goal in child-rearing should not be to merely survive. Our goal all along has to be to develop mature, responsible, godly adults.”
QUOTES
"When you are thinking about revenge when you discipline your children, you're actually punishing them. When you're looking forward to an alternative future that is better than their past, you are disciplining them.” -Tim
“When we punish our children by bitterly looking at the past, it creates an environment of shame instead of a hope for a better future.” -Kimberly
“Our goal in child-rearing should not be to merely survive. Our goal all along has to be to develop mature, responsible, godly adults.” -Tim
REFERENCED SCRIPTURE
Psalm 127: “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
Proverbs 13:24: "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”
Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
