To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Ma2q88p-34I
Hi friends! Welcome back to another week of the Hope Rescue Podcast! If this is your first time joining us, welcome and thanks for checking us out! We are excited to be continuing our series on marriage as we go through Tim and Kimberly’s top 30 tips for marriage! Today we will discuss tips 21, 22, and 23 but if you haven’t heard the other episodes in the series, make sure you go back to episode 33 to hear all the episodes from the beginning of our series! Let’s dive into this week’s conversation!
21/30: Never stop learning about your spouse. When a relationship first begins, it feels like you are constantly learning new things about your partner. Your dates are spent asking questions to get to know him or her better, and you soak up everything they have to say because you genuinely want to deeply know them. As time goes on, the questions slow down or even stop and we feel like there is nothing new to learn about our spouses. But the truth is, in life we all go through seasons of change. Kimberly says, “If we are not continually and intentionally pursuing our spouses by asking them questions about their lives, we may wake up one day wondering if we really know them.” Tim suggests asking your spouse “Do you think I know you?” Their answer might surprise you! 1 Peter 3:7-8 says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” When he says that your prayers will be hindered, it really means if you (husbands) don’t see their wives as a joint heir, you won’t pray together. When the text was written, Jewish husbands and wives did not pray together because the husbands did not see their wives as join heirs. Live with your wives in an understanding way. Never stop getting to know your spouse.
One helpful way to get to know and deeply understand your spouse is to understand their love language. Kimberly recommends the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman because it helps you and your spouse determine what your love languages are. Once you understand your spouse’s love language, you will better understand how to show him or her love in a way that they receive it. Often, we love others the way we want to be loved, but the concept of the love languages explains that not everyone receives love the same way. Going through this book with your spouse is a fun way to get to know each other on a deeper level, and it will help you determine intentional ways you can love your spouse.
Another way to get to know your spouse is to truly understand his or her mission or vision for their life. What are they passionate about? What do they feel is their purpose? What is their passion, their greatest joy, their heaviest burden? Once you understand what fuels your spouse and what they are passionate about pursuing, you can come alongside them and help them carry out their mission.
A third way you can get to know your spouse is to understand what they love to do. What bring your spouse joy? What is his or her favorite hobby? Going back to the scripture, 1 Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” Tim explains that we should think of this in the capacity that our greatest goal within our marriages is to have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Peter is emphasizing the attitudes we should have with our spouses as we get to know each other on a deeper level.
22/30: Don’t mock your spouse when he or she is hurting. Tim explains that a lot of parents do this to their children when they fall or get hurt. Parents tend to immediately tell the child they are okay, and they do not allow them to express their true emotions. Allow your children to express their pain, even if it is dramatic for a moment. Don’t diminish their pain. Tim says, “When we diminish someone’s emotions, it tells them that their emotions don’t matter to us.” The same concept can be carried into our relationship with our spouses. Allow your spouse to feel emotions, and don’t instantly tell him or her to calm down every time they get upset. Tim quotes something he read once that said, “Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.” Think of how upsetting it is to be told to calm down or relax when you are feeling upset. If you don’t like your feelings to be diminished, your spouse probably feels the same way. Don’t mock your spouse when they are hurting. Tim reads 1 Peter 3:9 which says, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” The greek word used for evil is "kakos" which means bad or wrong, not necessarily extreme evil. The word reviling means to criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner. If your spouse is insulting you or treating you wrongly, don’t retaliate. On the contrary, bless. The word bless in greek is eulogeo which means to praise and invoke blessings. Speak well about your spouse, even when they are unkind to you. Before their life ends, eulogize your spouse.
23/30: Give authentic, genuine compliments and don’t just say something general to please them. Think of who they are as a person and what you appreciate about them, and then let them know. It may feel awkward at first but if you intentionally practice this every day with your spouse you will begin to feel a connection and a gratitude that you did not feel before.
Thank you for joining us for another week of the Hope Rescue Podcast! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can fill out the contact form on our home page! Don’t forget to tune in next week to hear the final episode in our marriage series! We love you guys!
“In life, we go through seasons of change. If we are not continually and intentionally pursuing our spouses by asking questions about their lives, we may wake up one day wondering if we really know them.” -Kimberly
“When we diminish someone’s emotions, it tells them that their emotions don’t matter to us.” -Tim
“Before their life ends, eulogize your spouse. Speak well about your spouse, even when they are unkind to you.” -Tim
1 Peter 3:7-8 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”
1 Peter 3:9 “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”