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EP. 35 How to Make Your Spouse a Priority


To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Gk3YBx9zJ-E


SHOW NOTES


Welcome back to another week of the Hope Rescue Podcast! This week, we are continuing our series on Tim and Kimberly’s top 30 tips for a strong marriage! If this is your first time here, make sure you check out episodes 33 & 34 to hear all the tips we have covered so far! Let’s jump right into this week’s tips for a strong, healthy marriage!


11/30: Have healthy boundaries in friendships outside of your marriage. Embrace friendships outside of your marriage, but place boundaries on how much impact they have on your relationship. As a couple, you must decide with your spouse what is comfortable and where a line needs to be drawn. Communication is so key here because if you don't talk about it but one person is feeling uncomfortable or forgotten, the other person may never know. In Kimberly's first marriage, she shares that the doors were always wide open for anyone to come in. They had no boundaries set for when people could come over or how long they could stay, and Kimberly shares that it was torture for her. She never felt like they had intimacy as a family because there were always outside people visiting. When she and Tim first got married, she made sure they had a crucial conversation about boundaries and friendships outside their marriage because she had seen the damage that a lack of boundaries could do. Kimberly also emphasizes the importance of not having friends of the opposite gender outside of your marriage. It can cause tension and insecurities if you are hanging out with someone of the opposite gender alone without your spouse. Kimberly says, "Even if you feel confident with a friendship outside of your marriage, if it is causing your spouse to feel vulnerable you need to renegotiate that together.” Tim and Kimberly both emphasize the importance of having friendships outside of your marriage, as long as they are healthy friends of the same gender. It is healthy for a wife to spend time with her girlfriends, and the same goes for men and their guy friends. Just discuss it with your spouse and make sure you both are getting healthy time apart.


12/30: Don't allow your children to be as important as your marriage. Did you know that research shows that children whose parents love each other are much happier and more secure than those raised in a loveless environment? Tim says, “You won’t be able to give to your children unless you have a fulfilling relationship with your spouse.” One of the best things you can do for your children is love your spouse well. Of course we should love our children and make their needs a priority, but loving our children is easier because it comes so naturally. Loving your spouse and putting him or her first takes practice and intentionality. Evaluate your everyday life and make sure you are putting your spouse first.


13/30: Discuss your strategies and styles of child-rearing. Don’t assume that your spouse is going to agree with every decision you make when it comes to discipline. We all come from different families of origin with varying styles of parenting, so it is crucial to discuss with your spouse how you want to parent your children together. If you discipline your child in a way your spouse doesn't agree with, you are setting yourself up for failure because your spouse will feel defensive for the child instead of supporting you.


14/30: Leave conflict in the past once it’s been resolved. Don't blame your spouse. Go into disagreements with conflict resolution in mind, and choose your battles wisely. Once you resolve a conflict, leave it in the past and don’t bring it up again. If both sides have compromised and found a sweet spot of agreement in the middle, let bygones be bygones. Kimberly says, “If the goal is to bring about change and for someone to hear your heart, you need to say it in a way that it can be received. That will not be on the frontline of the battlefield in your marriage.” Kimberly also says, “Words are powerful and can be destructive. When conflicts arise, back away from the heat of the moment, let things cool off, and then come back and discuss how you and your spouse can work as a team to solve the dispute.”


15/30: Don't project your past on your spouse. Even if you are not married, you have likely been in a relationship before and when you get married or start seeing someone seriously, it is easy to fall into the trap of comparison. We have to remember that our spouse is not our past partner(s). It is unfair to compare them or assume they will react the same exact ways. If you feel like your partner is comparing you to their past partner, it may be time for a crucial conversation to remind your spouse that you are your own person! Communication is always the key!


Well we have made it halfway through our series on Tim and Kimberly’s top 30 tips for marriage! We love you guys and we want your marriages to be strong and healthy! We pray that you grow closer to each other and closer to the Lord every day. Fall on your knees together and pray together because marriage is no walk in the park, but it can be the most beautiful blessing in your life! Thanks for tuning in for another week of the Hope Rescue Podcast!


QUOTES


"Even if you feel confident with a friendship outside of your marriage, if it is causing your spouse to feel vulnerable you need to renegotiate that together.” -Kimberly


“You won’t be able to give to your children unless you have a fulfilling relationship with your spouse.” -Tim


“Words are powerful and can be destructive. When conflicts arise, back away from the heat of the moment, let things cool off, and then come back and discuss how you and your spouse can work as a team to solve the dispute.” -Kimberly


“Choosing your battles is not losing your voice. It actually makes your voice more powerful.” -Tim & Kimberly





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