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SHOW NOTES
As we continue our series on "The Original Language of Love," we are diving deeper into what love is NOT according to Scripture. Last week, we explored how pride, envy, boasting, and arrogance are incompatible with true love. This week, we take an even closer look at the attitudes and behaviors that undermine love and distort our relationships.
The Four Greek Words for Love
Before we get into what love is not, let’s briefly review the four Greek words for love that help us understand its different dimensions:
Éros (ἔρως) – Romantic, passionate love
Storgē (στοργή) – Familial, protective love
Philía (φιλία) – Brotherly, deep friendship love
Agápē (ἀγάπη) – Unconditional, selfless, divine love
Our anchor passage for this series, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, gives us a clear picture of what true, agápē love looks like. It says:
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
This kind of love is not something we naturally produce. Our flesh is self-centered and self-seeking by default. But when the Holy Spirit works in us, He transforms our hearts, renewing our minds and redirecting our desires toward the ways of the Lord. True love—the kind of love God calls us to—is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit.
What Love Is NOT
1. Love Is Not Fearful
Fear and love cannot coexist in a healthy relationship.
1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
The more fear we allow into our relationships, the less intimacy we will experience. Fear breeds insecurity, distrust, and control, while love fosters freedom, security, and trust.
2. Love Is Not Weak
Love is often misunderstood as passivity or weakness, but true love requires great strength.
Jesus was the ultimate example of love in action, yet He was never weak. His love was sacrificial, bold, and unwavering, even in the face of suffering.
Standing firm in love requires courage, wisdom, and discernment—not passivity.
3. Love Does Not Insist on Its Own Way
Selfishness is the enemy of love. When we demand our own way, we are prioritizing ourselves over others, which contradicts the very essence of agápē love.
Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
True, sacrificial love puts others before ourselves, seeking their good instead of demanding our own way.
4. Love Is Not Irritable
The Greek word used for irritable means “easily provoked” or “quick to anger”.
When we love someone, we develop patience and tolerance for them, rather than being easily annoyed or offended.
This doesn’t mean we excuse harmful behavior, but it does mean that true love gives grace and is not easily triggered by minor offenses.
5. Love Is Not Resentful
The word translated as resentful in 1 Corinthians 13 is actually an accounting term in the original Greek, meaning “to keep a record of wrongs.”
Love does not keep score. It does not hold onto past offenses, waiting for the perfect moment to bring them back up.
When we keep track of every slight, we turn our relationships into a ledger of offenses rather than a place of grace and forgiveness.
Forgiveness is at the heart of love. If God does not keep a record of our sins against us (Psalm 103:12), then we should not hold grudges against others.
Many relational conflicts stem from the need to be right or the desire to win.
Love is not a competition. If we find ourselves constantly trying to outdo, outshine, or outmaneuver those we claim to love, we should examine our hearts.
When we are easily offended or insulted, it’s often because pride is at play.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Am I reacting out of love or fear?
Am I prioritizing my needs over the needs of those I love?
Do I keep a record of past wrongs, or do I extend grace and forgiveness?
Do I approach relationships with a humble heart, or do I insist on my own way?
When I feel insulted, am I judging someone’s motives, or am I extending the benefit of the doubt?
Stay Tuned for More!
We still have two more episodes in this series where we’ll continue unpacking the true meaning of love from a biblical perspective. Stay with us as we explore how to cultivate genuine, God-honoring love in every aspect of life!
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