To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/N0kWTOyqL7U
Today on the Hope Rescue Podcast, Tim and Kimberly continue their series on boundaries and discuss gaslighting, which is a psychological form of manipulation. The goal of gaslighting a person is to make them question their memory, perception, and sanity. Tim explains that the term "gaslighting" came from the 1944 drama/crime movie "Gaslight" where the husband tries the make the wife feel like she’s crazy by secretly dimming the gaslights and then telling her that they are not dimming. Throughout this episode, Tim and Kimberly discuss the manifestations of gaslighting and how you can escape this toxic method of manipulation.
The Manifestations of Gaslighting:
1. The gas-lighter tries to make you feel crazy. Kimberly explains that gaslighting doesn’t only occur in marriage. It can occur in any relationship, whether it’s a work relationship, a friendship, a parent/child relationship, etc. Also, the severity of the gaslighting can differ, but whether it is a small act or a grandiose one, it is still gaslighting and still damaging. If you are being gaslit, you are made to feel like you have a deficit, you do not see things clearly, you didn't understand correctly, you are too sensitive, or you do not see the big picture. No matter what, you are made to feel like you are the problem and not the gas-lighter. Someone who wants to control you will try to convince you that you are not in reality. Tim quotes Proverbs 18:21, which says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” He explains that a person can be most damaging to the people who love them. If a parent gaslights their child, it can be devastating because a child loves their parents. This is why gaslighting has such an effect, especially in marriage, because there is such a closeness and intimacy in that relationship. Tim says, “When someone loves you and cares about what you have to say, you have more power when speaking to them. That power should be used for life, not death.”
2. The gas-lighter tries to confuse you by lying and denying. There are different types of liars, such as pathological liars and compulsive liars. Often, pathological liars struggle to stop themselves from lying, and sometimes they even believe the lies they are telling. A gas-lighter will try to convince you that something did or didn’t happen when in reality, your perception is correct. Kimberly explains that a gas-lighter will try to convince you that they are the only person who really knows you. They build up your trust and then manipulate you. Kimberly says, “The gas-lighter's biggest fear is that you will step outside of their controlling bubble and bring light to what is actually happening.” If you are in a toxic relationship, step out. Get help. Reach out to someone who has proven to be safe to you.
Tim and Kimberly go on to explain the two most important steps you can take if you are being gaslit by someone:
1. Make sure that you understand what scripture says about who you are. Tim says, “If you don't have scripture resident in your mind, you are vulnerable to different kinds of attacks that will demean you and undermine your sense of self-worth.” Tim explains that when he is battling something, scripture will pop into his mind, and that is because he has taken the time to memorize scripture that feeds his soul.
2. Reach out to someone you trust, and use him or her as your sounding board. Explain your situation and shed light on what is happening in your life.
In summary, let God speak to you through the Word and let others speak life into your situation so that the person who is gaslighting you no longer has any power. Join us next week as we discuss how you can find your team! We love you guys!
“When someone loves you and cares about what you have to say, you have more power when speaking to them. That power should be used for life, not death.” -Tim
“The gas-lighter's biggest fear is that you will step outside of their controlling bubble and bring light to what is actually happening.” -Kimberly
“If you don't have scripture resident in your mind, you are vulnerable to different kinds of attacks that will demean you and undermine your sense of self-worth.” -Tim
Proverbs 18:21: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.