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EP. 20 Tolerance in a Blended Family


To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UFN3IJHi9O4


SHOW NOTES


In today's podcast, Tim and Kimberly wrap up their series on blended families by discussing having an attitude of peace when blending your family. Tim starts by reiterating the anchor passage that has been the basis for this series, which is Ephesians 4:1-3, "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."


When you are building new relationships in a blended family, tolerance is critical. Tim and Kimberly explain that when you have adult children, sometimes they move out and then move back home for various reasons, and during that season, it is crucial that you are tolerant. The adult child living in your home should not be expected to follow the same rules they had as a child, and we have to be tolerant and adjust those rules to fit the changes that have occurred.


Kimberly explains that whether you have a blended family or a nuclear family, each of your children is unique. This brings a set of challenges, especially with bigger families, and we as parents have to have tolerance in order to juggle so many different personalities and emotions. To tolerate someone literally means to endure that person, which circles us back to our discussion of patience from last week. Patience and tolerance go hand-in-hand and allow us to create a safe and loving environment for our blended families. Kimberly says, “A culture of confrontation can blow up a home, but a culture of loving communication creates peace in the home.”


A lack of tolerance in a blended family creates tension and conflict that can be difficult to navigate. Tim explains that the reason so many blended families fail, 67 percent as discussed in a previous episode, is because the parents and the children do not know how to tolerate. Tim explains a book that he believes to be incredibly helpful with communication and tolerance: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. You can find the link below to purchase the book on Amazon. Tim explains that healthy and respectful communication is an important factor when tolerating your family members. Tim says, “A key factor when learning how to hold the family together is healthy communication. Speak more about facts than you do about opinions.”


Kimberly explains that tolerance also is crucial when communicating with your ex-spouse. While this won't come naturally or quickly after a divorce, it is important in order to set an example for your children. Kimberly says, "You can disagree with someone and their choices and still love and respect them as a person.” This excludes any abusive or toxic relationship where it would be harming to you or your children to have such a relationship. But if you can have tolerance with your ex-spouse, it allows your children to feel safe to love everybody. It prevents your children from feeling the “us against them” mentality.


Tolerance really applies to every relationship, whether it’s family or friendship or coworkers, etc. Tolerance and forgiveness go hand-in-hand, so whether you disagree with someone on Facebook or your child is having strong emotions about something, have tolerance, and be quick to forgive. Tim says, “Your world becomes less enjoyable when you try to force your values onto other people.”


Join us next week as we discuss boundaries. We love you guys!


QUOTES


“When you are building new relationships in a blended family, tolerance is critical.” -Tim


“A culture of confrontation can blow up a home, but a culture of loving communication creates peace in the home.” -Kimberly


“A lack of tolerance in a blended family creates tension and conflict that can be difficult to navigate.” -Tim


“You can disagree with someone and their choices and still love and respect them as a person.” -Kimberly


“Your world becomes less enjoyable when you try to force your values onto other people.” -Tim


“Children raised in chaos become adults that live in chaos. Try to give your child a childhood they don't have to heal from.” -Kimberly


REFERENCED SCRIPTURE


Ephesians 4:1-3 "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."


RESOURCES MENTIONED


Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/1469266822


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