To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/raCLu5B7rj4
SHOW NOTES
This week’s podcast episode is from a talk Tim and Kimberly gave at EastLake Church on blended families. It also is the start of our new series on blended families. We hope you enjoy!
Tim and Kimberly begin by introducing themselves, sharing parts of their stories, and explaining how they became a blended family with seven children. Kimberly was previously married and had five children, and Tim was also previously married with two children. The big idea is that the blended family is born of loss and pain. The goal of parenting is to heal and unify the hearts of the blended family. There are many causes for a blended family, whether it be divorce, death, foster care and adoption, etc but no matter the cause, according to statistics about 50% of us are a part of a blended family. Tim also explains that 45% of marriages, inside and outside of the church, end in divorce. On top of that, 67% of blended families end in divorce. Since the blended family is born of loss and pain, it can be a tricky road to navigate. Tim explains that when he and Kimberly got married and he was now the father figure in the household of five young children, he was the outsider because he was new. He did not want to come in like a wrecking ball and take over control, but instead he wanted to come in gently and be understanding of the situation. Tim and Kimberly go on to give helpful tips for blending your new family.
Blending families requires healing broken hearts. Kimberly quotes Ephesians 4:31-32 which says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Tim points out the emotions listed in verse 31: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. He then breaks down each emotion. Bitterness means to hold onto an offense. Wrath means uncontrolled anger or to boil over with anger. Anger means indignation which also means easily provoked. Clamor means crying out for attention, and slander means to speak against others. Malice means a person with bad motives. Tim goes on to quote Ephesians 4:26-27 which says, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” He explains this by saying that it’s okay to feel provoked by someone or something, but do not spend time on that provocation. When you hold onto that anger, you take it on and you become bitter. Tim then breaks down Ephesians 4:32 which explains how the six toxic emotions are removed. The first is kindness, which is being gracious when it is undeserved. The second is tenderheartedness which is compassion and empathy for your offender. The last is forgiveness which is to grant pardon.
Blend your family with kindness. Kimberly says that the greatest gift we can give our children and our families is kindness. Let’s seek to heal the hurt and stop the cycle of pain with kindness in our homes. When you show kindness and patience, you’ll win the children over.
Blend your family with compassion. We need to put ourselves in the kids’ shoes and try to see it from their perspective. Come in like a coach toward a team instead of being directive and overbearing. Instead of trying to demand respect from the children, take time to get to know the children and their hearts.
Blend your family with forgiveness. Parents need to lead with forgiveness and give it away quickly. Be as quick as you can to forgive offenses because forgiveness is caught not taught with our children. Our freedom from toxic emotions will always be equal to our ability to forgive. It’s easier to forgive when we remember that we have already been forgiven by Jesus Christ.
The church is the ultimate blended family. Join us next week as we continue the conversation on blended families! We love you guys!
QUOTES
“We have to be patient. We cannot demand immediate connection with the kids.” -Kimberly
“Don’t try to buy your kids. Love your way in. They don’t need stuff, they need your heart.” -Tim
“Let’s seek to heal the hurt and stop the cycle of pain with kindness in our homes.” -Kimberly
“Your freedom from toxic emotions will always be equal to your ability to forgive.” -Tim
REFERENCED SCRIPTURE
Ephesians 4:31-32: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:26-27: Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
