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EP. 150 Why Marriages Fail & How to Keep Yours Strong

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Welcome to a new week of the Hope Rescue Podcast. This week we are continuing our discussion on love. Last week we discussed the four manifestations of love described in the Greek language, and this week we are discussing the six stages of love. Keep reading or listening to discover what they are.

Stage 1: Passion - When a relationship begins, it’s driven by passion and typically instant attraction. Passion is driven by the feelings that the other person gives us. We fall head-over-heels for another person and see past all their flaws because we are so blinded by our passion. This stage typically lasts for 12-18 months.

Stage 2: Discovery - In the discovery stage, we get to know the other person. We’re less focused on how they make us feel and more focused on who they are. This could also be called the “courtship” stage. This is when we get to know the other person’s character, personality, and values. One’s character is determined by how they actually live out their values. For example, it’s one thing to say you value family, but do you actually make time for your family and treat them with kindness? If one’s values are not aligning with their character, this is a red flag.

Stage 3: Commitment - After falling passionately in love and then getting to know each other, the natural progression if things are aligning is to commit to marriage. A red flag in this stage would be if you have made it through the first two stages and are not interested in commitment.

Stage 4: Disillusionment - This is the most difficult and challenging stage to push through. Disillusionment is defined as “a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be.” Oftentimes, when the passion wears off and a married couple find themselves in the thick of parenting, working, and possible financial struggles, disillusionment can creep in. You may look back on your relationship at the beginning and wonder when the flame died out. It’s in this stage that many marriages fail. This is the most common stage where divorce occurs. According to various studies, some of the most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of physical intimacy. These issues commonly occur in young parents or during midlife crises. Tim explains that he was once told that when you start feeling disillusioned in your marriage, it’s time to grow. Disillusionment comes from romanticizing your relationship, and when reality hits you realize the fiery passion doesn’t last forever. If you are feeling disillusioned in your marriage, it’s time to go back to stage two and rediscover your spouse. Take time to get to know one another once again, and fall back in love with the person you committed your life to.

Stage 5: Stability - Tim refers to this as the “we” stage. In the stability stage, your relationship is no longer swayed when difficulties come your way, and you become inseparable. This stage can only be achieved by overcoming the disillusionment stage.

Stage 6: Building - The final stage in a marriage is the building stage. This stage is all about the united mission you have together. Your lives become focused on touching others through your oneness and your mission together.

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