To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/b5T4Z-RgxeY
SHOW NOTES
On today's episode of the Hope Rescue Podcast, Tim and Kimberly wrap up their series on influence capital. We are finishing up by discussing what kind of influencer you are as a parent and how you can positively influence your kids. Tim starts by discussing some of the traditions their family has developed over the years, such as family night once a week. Kimberly explains that it doesn't have to be an elaborate or unreachable goal to have a family night. The original intention of their family night was simply to get everyone together and have a meal. Kimberly explains that it’s not a competition between quality and quantity, but that you get quality time by prioritizing your family. By continually making family night a priority, their children don't show up because it's an obligation but because they want to. Although almost all of their children are grown adults, they still come for family night every week and are excited about it. Another tradition the Scott-Haus family has developed is that during special occasions, such as mother's day or birthdays, they will go around the table and say qualities that they love, appreciate, or respect about the recognized person. Kimberly explains that this act of appreciation for each other trains your children to speak words of life into others.
Tim explains that if you want to positively influence people, one of the best ways to do that is to encourage others. By doing so, you build credibility and influence capital with that person. Tim and Kimberly's oldest daughter and family have a tradition of playing "high-low" every day, where they each share the best part and the worst part of their days. As parents, we want our children to thrive, and one of the ways to do that is to set a positive example for our children. Kimberly says that our habits will be “caught not taught” meaning that our children will learn by example more than anything. We have to be intentional about setting aside time to encourage each other and get to know our families.
Tim explains that one of the biggest struggles he faced as a young father was that he was more concerned with making his kids obey him than teaching them to grow up. A huge mistake that is common among parents is that they are too focused on their children looking good and looking good as a parent, so their main focus is on making their kids obey them. Tim says it is important to remember that your kids are acting childish because they are children. Let them be children and enjoy the stage of life they are in.
Psalm 127: 1-5 says “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
We can pull five important points from this passage.
1. We can be a master builder, but if the Lord doesn't build the house, it's vanity. This passage is in the context of children being a heritage from the Lord and how to enjoy our children. In order to make sure we enjoy our children, we have to involve the Lord in the raising and maturing of our children.
2. Know that the lord is watching over your home. We labor in vain without the Lord and stay awake because worry keeps us up, but if God is involved in our families’ lives, He will protect our homes. We have to let him be the center of our homes.
3. When the Lord is involved, we can sleep soundly and not stay up all night filled with worry and anxiety. He is building our home, protecting our home, and allowing us to sleep peacefully with the knowledge that He has us in His hands. Worry will not change our children's behavior. We need to give quality input and trust that God is going to work in their lives.
4. Children are a heritage from the Lord. Instead of seeing our children as a burden or an extra responsibility, we should see them as gifts and a legacy.
5. Whatever the size of your quiver, know that your children are a blessing to you.
Tim then lays out 5 mistakes that he and Kimberly believe parents make when raising children.
1. Parents worry too much about the small things. Tim gives credit to Kimberly because she never seems to sweat the small stuff, and she can easily go with the flow. Tim explains that this is not a natural reaction for him but something that he has to intentionally strive for with his children. Kimberly says, “With the amount of energy you have as a parent, why waste negative energy on something small?”
2. Parents make child training more about the parent than the child. Some of us parents feel like if our children don't follow through with little things, it will reflect negatively back on us. At some point, though, you have to step back and know that you raised them and trained them well. You cannot attach your identity to your child's mistakes.
3. Parents punish instead of discipline. There is a difference between punishment and discipline. Discipline teaches the child to behave by focusing on future behavior, while punishment inflicts suffering for past behavior.
4. Sometimes we punish our kids for being kids. We should be disciplining our kids for issues of rebellion, not for them being childish and goofy and making mistakes. Kimberly says, “It is so damaging when we overreact to things that just don't matter in the big picture of parenting.”
5. Parents overreact to situations because their rules are not based on their values. One of the most important things we should avoid is making up rules as we go along. In the beginning, it is important to determine our values, rules, and what the children will be held accountable for. This prevents frustration and confusion later on.
Join us next week as we share a talk we did for the Eastlake Network of Churches on the topic of blended families! We love you guys!
QUOTES
"It's not quality versus quantity. You get quality time by making time for your family." -Kimberly
“If you want to be a positive influence in people’s lives, one of the best ways is to encourage others.” -Tim
“The goal, mission, and purpose of parenting is to raise healthy children and not just kids who survived childhood.” -Kimberly
“Worry will not change our children's behavior. We need to give quality input and trust that God is going to work in their lives.” -Tim
“With the amount of energy you have as a parent, why waste negative energy on something small?” -Kimberly
“It is so damaging when we overreact to things that just don't matter in the big picture of parenting.” -Kimberly
“It is really important when raising children to help them look to the future through discipline for correction of behavior for a new future.” -Tim
REFERENCED SCRIPTURE
Psalm 127: 1-5: Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
