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EP. 14 How to Positively Influence Your Spouse


To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4oAHqAi4Aks


SHOW NOTES


On today's episode of the Hope Rescue Podcast, Tim and Kimberly discuss how to positively influence your spouse. Last week we started the conversation on influence and how each and every one of us has areas of influence in our lives, whether it be online, with our children, with our spouse, with our coworkers, etc. This week we want to focus on the influence we can have on our spouse.


Kimberly opens by emphasizing the fact that every person is a leader. Whether you realize it or not, you are leading someone and influencing their life. Kimberly states, "With the mouth that you have, the key is to use it in a way that you don't end up shutting the people that you influence the most out of your life.” Our lifelong relationships that are irrevocable are ones we especially don't want to damage, such as relationships with our children, spouse, and family members. Tim jumps into scripture by starting with Ephesians 5, which he explains is one of the most quoted and taught on passages about marriage. Ephesians 5:18-27 says, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”


After that passage, there are three irrevocable relationships: husband and wife, parent and child, and bondservant and master. Before the passage discusses the three relationships though, it starts by describing how we should behave. Tim explains that verses 15-18 all deal with our behavior. Ephesians 5:15 says, "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise." Verse 17 says, "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is." And verse 18 says, "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." Tim explains that the filling of the Holy Spirit in this case is not necessarily what most people usually think it is. In this case, the filling of the Holy Spirit is not the act of getting more of the Holy Spirit, but it's the Holy Spirit that is filling you with something. In verses 15-18, you are being filled with wisdom and understanding by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit influences your thinking and adjusts your attitude. It is important to recognize that before the scripture gets into the relationships, it says that you should be filled with the Spirit. If you want to walk with wisdom and understanding and be filled by the Spirit, you have to let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly. If you are sitting with your Bible closed and asking God to fill you with the Spirit, it won't happen. When the Word of Christ dwells in you, that is the filling of the Spirit so you have to be in the Word.


The filling of the spirit results in five relationship builders:


Communication: Ephesians 5:19-20 says, "...speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” This provides a guide for how we should speak to one another. Kimberly says, “If your goal is to be heard then you need to communicate in a way that it can be received.” You can communicate truth, and actually destroy someone's heart and life, but if you communicate that truth with love that they can receive you will make progress. In marriage, when you communicate you need the starting point to be biblical Truth. You need to have Truth as your base when you're communicating and when you're listening.

A Joyful Heart: As you read above, verse 19 says, “...Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord.” Regardless of how we are naturally, we are called to have joyful hearts. If you come to your spouse with a joyful heart, even if your spouse doesn't have a joyful heart, it creates an environment of joy. Being around joyful people makes others feel less of a need to be critical.

God Consciousness: Verse 20 says, “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” When we have God consciousness, everything we do is done in thanksgiving pointed back to the Father. God is the center, and you are aware that he is present. If you are speaking to your spouse and you are aware that God is there in your midst that will change the way you communicate.

A Thankful Heart: Kimberly says, "Gratitude changes the lens of everything you see. If you start with gratitude, it completely changes your perspective.” Tim discusses the importance of keeping a thanksgiving journal. Every morning Tim writes in his thanksgiving journal things he is thankful for to start his day with a thankful heart. If you want to have a strong relationship with your spouse give thanks for who they are, what they bring into your life, and how valuable they are. If you have a spouse that is thanking God for who you are and you are also thanking God for who they are, you will have a powerful connection.

Mutual Submission: Verse 21 shows that the submission the scripture is referring to is a mutual submission: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Mutual submission is laying down your needs and seeking the other's first. Many do not like this verse because it has been abused in the past, but submission is abused when only one person is serving the other and it is a one-way street.


These are the relationship builders that come from being filled by the Spirit and letting the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.


Join us next week as we talk about how to positively influence your kids! We love you guys!


QUOTES


“If you want to walk with wisdom and understanding and be filled by the Spirit, you have to let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.” -Tim


“If your goal is to be heard then you need to communicate in a way that it can be received.” -Kimberly


“When we have God consciousness, everything we do is done in thanksgiving pointed back to the Father.” -Kimberly


“If you want to have a strong relationship with your spouse give thanks for who they are, what they bring into your life, and how valuable they are.” -Tim


“If you try to get an adult to obey you like a child, you will destroy intimacy in your marriage because it creates fear. Fear destroys intimacy.” -Tim


REFERENCED SCRIPTURE


Ephesians 5:18-27: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”


Ephesians 5:15-18: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit”


Colossians 3:16: "Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts."


Ephesians 5:18-19: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord”



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