To View the Video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/fYLgXgMC9zs
Welcome to a new week of the Hope Rescue Podcast. We are wrapping up our series on marriage this week. Over the last four weeks we have shared 30+ red flags in a marriage. This week we share four more red flags, and then finish by sharing eight practical ways to rebuild your marriage. Keep reading to find out what they are.
Red Flags Signaling Trouble in a Marriage
1. You and your spouse only talk about the business side of marriage, like finances, groceries, when the kids need to be picked up, etc. Your marriage feels more like business management than an intimate relationship.
2. You and your spouse withhold the little details about your lives. You stop sharing your day to day activities. If you are calling or talking to someone else to process your day, you likely need to take a step back and evaluate the health of your marriage.
3. You and your spouse stop complimenting each other. When you first met your spouse, you likely saw and appreciated even the little things about your spouse. When was the last time you complimented your spouse just to fill his or her heart? Kimberly says that by complimenting your spouse regularly, you can change the atmosphere of your home and the dynamic of your marriage.
4. You and your spouse only love each other through loving your children. Of course it’s important to deeply love your children, but you cannot only love your spouse through your children. It’s crucial to directly love your spouse and have a connection with your spouse without your children involved.
8 Practical Ways to Rekindle your Marriage
1. Know that you cannot change your spouse, but you can create an environment for connection with your spouse. We cannot control the outcome but we can control the input. How are your setting up a healthy environment for connection with your spouse? When your spouse gets home from work, ask about their day. Try to start out in a good mood instead of bracing for an argument.
2. Show your spouse that you care about what they have to say. Ask about your spouse’s life, and truly listen. Tim often says, “Being heard is so close to being loved it is hard to tell the difference.” When your spouse feels heard, he or she will feel loved. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Actually hear what your spouse is saying, and ask questions to have him or her dive even deeper.
3. Speak words of edification to your spouse. Go out of your way to intentionally notice and appreciate the little things your spouse does and is. Thank your spouse for the routine things they do that may go unnoticed.
4. Don’t make broad brush statements about your spouse by saying things like “you never ___” or “you always ___.” Be specific about how you’re feeling and don’t generalize and blow things out of proportion.
5. Be kind and generous towards your spouse. If you don’t know what kind action to do towards your spouse, think of what would feel kind to you. Do something unexpected for your spouse. Kimberly shares that the popular book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman is a great way to discover how to love your spouse well. Instead of loving your spouse the way you feel best loved, it helps you discover the most appropriate way to love your spouse.
6. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Think back to the start of your relationship. What drew you to your spouse? What did you do together? What did you talk about? As life goes on, things change and people change, but try to remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. Every year on the day Tim and Kimberly met, they go back through the messages they first sent each other when they started dating. It reminds them of the beginning and helps to rekindle their love for one another.
7. Celebrate your spouse. Tim recommends men bring their wives flowers just because. Celebrate the little things about your spouse, not just on their birthday but just because you love them. Go to dinner on a random day and celebrate your relationship.
8. If you feel like you’ve tried everything and you’re still struggling, Kimberly explains that it’s never too late to reach out to a marriage counselor or pastor who can step in and help. Don’t be afraid to get help. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out to heal and rebuild your marriage. If one is struggling, you both are struggling. Many couples share that reaching out to a counselor to work through marriage challenges saved their marriage. There is never shame in fighting for your marriage.
We hope you’ve enjoyed our short series on marriage. If you missed our previous episodes on marriage red flags, make sure to go back and begin in episode 133 where the conversation began. Thanks for joining us!
“By complimenting your spouse regularly, you can change the atmosphere of your home and the dynamic of your marriage.” -Kimberly
“There is never shame in fighting for your marriage.” -Tim