To View the Video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/udrxdTVEQhM
Welcome to a new week of the Hope Rescue Podcast. We just wrapped up our series discussing some of the main topics in Tim’s new book “Breathe.” If you’re interested in purchasing his book, click this link: This week we are discussing some common signs your marriage may be in trouble. Keep reading to find out what they are and how you can resolve them.
Unresolved problems in a marriage breed contempt, which is an underlying disrespect for one’s spouse. The longer one feels contempt for his or her spouse, the more likely they will become bitter and hateful towards their spouse. It’s important to notice the signs of trouble early in your marriage to prevent contempt from developing.
Signs of Trouble in Your Marriage
You are doing all the giving or all the taking in your marriage. If this is the case, focus on making everything you do about “us” instead of “me” or about one person. When you kiss, make it about “us.” Focus more on your relationship together rather than focusing on how to please just one person.
You have become hyper-critical of each other and bicker in unhealthy ways. It’s normal to bicker with your spouse and have disagreements sometimes, but when bickering becomes the culture in your home, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate what’s really going on. If you find yourself nitpicking every little thing your spouse does or the other way around, you may need to evaluate the health of your marriage to get back on track.
You have stopped listening to your spouse. Tim explains that he’s not talking about being ignored when your spouse is watching TV. He’s talking about when you purposefully are not hearing what your spouse is saying out of contempt. This can go the other way around too. If you don’t respect your spouse, you’re not going to place much weight behind what they have to say. This is a major sign of possible contempt growing in your marriage, and it’s important to address this issue before it turns to hatred.
You have a lack of physical intimacy in your marriage. Tim and Kimberly are not referencing sexual intimacy in this case, but that is another issue. They are saying that if you lack non-sexual physical touch in your marriage you may have a problem. For example, do you still hold hands with your spouse? Do you hug your spouse just because? If not, you may have a problem in your marriage.
You continue to argue about the same things over and over again. Tim and Kimberly are not referencing pet peeves here, but instead discussing something that is unresolved again and again. If this is the case for you, ask your spouse what you can do to have a breakthrough and have a respectful resolve at the end.
You don’t argue at all. You read that correctly. If you have zero disagreements within your marriage, someone in the relationship is not giving their perspective. If you agree on everything and never argue, someone in the relationship is stuffing their view.
You have an uneven distribution of responsibility in your relationship. When you don’t share the load in your relationship, whether it’s chores or responsibilities with the kids, it can create distance in your marriage.
You don’t enjoy each other's company, but instead simply tolerate one another. If your marriage is comparable to two discontent roommates, you have a problem. Kimberly explains that when you’re feeling friction in your marriage, you have to physically and mentally move closer to one another. In marriage, you have to intentionally make moves towards each other or you will begin to drift apart.
So you’ve discovered that you have a problem in your marriage. Now what? Don’t fret, you’re not alone. It’s normal to have problems in your marriage, and recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. Keep reading to discover some useful tips to getting your marriage back on track.
If you’re having any of the above problems in your marriage, begin by explaining to your spouse what you need and want instead of explaining what they’re doing wrong. Instead of making “you” statements at your spouse, explain to him or her what you desire. This takes the attack and blame off your spouse, and makes a productive conversation more likely.
Next, ask your spouse what makes him or happy or how you together can make each other happy. Also ask your spouse what hurts him or her. Don’t make the conversation only about yourself, because if you’re feeling hurt or unheard in your marriage, there is a chance your spouse is feeling similarly.
Next, give sympathy towards your spouse and enter into his or her pain. Affirm what they are feeling and allow them to feel safe sharing. Really listen to what they have to say, and don’t feel the need to talk over them or correct them. Allow them to share what’s been going on in their lives and maybe inside their heart.
Lastly, tell your spouse the good things about him or her. The word “encourage” means to instill courage. When you tell your spouse what they are good at, it fills them and encourages them. Throughout the day, be intentional to recognize what your spouse does for you or your family, and be quick to point it out and encourage them. You’ll never regret complimenting your spouse. Express your appreciation for your spouse daily, even for the little things he or she does.
Join us next week as we continue the conversation on marriage. Thanks for reading along!
“When you’re feeling friction in your marriage, you have to physically and mentally move closer to one another.” -Kimberly
“In marriage, you have to intentionally make moves towards each other or you will begin to drift apart.” -Kimberly