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EP. 100 Six Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution

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Welcome to Hope Rescue’s first episode of 2021! We are excited to be starting our third year in the podcast world and can’t believe how quickly the years are flying by. We want to say thank you to each person who supports us whether through listening, donating, or sending us encouraging words. We are grateful for each one of you!

This week we are discussing conflict resolution. We are not talking about small day-to-day conflicts that are easy to push aside, but deeper conflicts that are possibly severely affecting a person. Keep reading or listening to hear the conversation.

Before we discuss tips for resolving conflict, we want to discuss an issue that may arise for some: conflict avoidance. Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others. Conflict avoidance is an issue many individuals have because they would rather be known as a nice person than be known as a person who rocks the boat. Conflict avoidance can be shown in a variety of ways, like passive-aggressiveness, stonewalling, using sarcasm, or deliberately sidestepping conversations.

If you are looking for a book on communicating well when conflicts arise, Tim and Kimberly recommend the book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.”

Tim and Kimberly go on to describe eight important things each person should know about conflict:

  1. KNOW THAT: Conflict is normal in relationships. From the very first relationship between Adam and Eve, there was conflict. Conflict is a part of our flesh nature, and it is wise for each person to learn how to handle conflict in a healthy manner.

  2. KNOW THAT: When conflict or confrontation comes up, we naturally want to protect ourselves and become defensive. Many are afraid that vulnerability will just leave them wounded so they choose to never open up.

  3. KNOW THAT: We should all try to create safety in conversation by keeping confidence, accepting one another’s failures, and never gossipping. If we want others to feel comfortable opening up to us, even if it is an uncomfortable conversation, we need to ensure a safe space for them to share. No one chooses to feel vulnerable with a gossiper. By accepting and loving a person well and not gossipping, we open the door for others to feel safe in conversations with us.

  4. KNOW THAT: The three imperatives of conflict resolution are: listen, listen, and listen. What we personally share is only the beginning of a longer conversation and the building of a relationship. If we are solely sharing and not listening to what the other person has to say, it's not a conversation. It's a speech. If a person does not feel heard, they will likely not feel loved. Be curious about what the other person is feeling or thinking, and ask questions to better understand why they feel the way they do.

  5. KNOW THAT: Because conflict can be difficult to navigate, the authors of the book "Crucial Conversations" created the STATE method. STATE is an acronym and stands for: S – Share your facts T – Tell your story A – Ask for the other’s paths T – Talk Tentatively E – Encourage Testing.

  6. KNOW THAT: We should avoid transactional relationships. A transactional relationship is a relationship where both parties are in it for themselves, and where partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. Be curious about your partner and seek to serve one another.

Join us next week as we continue the conversation and share two more tips for conflict resolution.

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