To view the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Fht0c3FMEWA
This week on the Hope Rescue Podcast, Tim and Kimberly are starting their new series on marriage! Over the next few weeks, they will be sharing their top thirty tips for a strong marriage! This week they are covering the first three tips, but make sure you tune in to the next few episodes so you hear all thirty!
Tips for a Strong Marriage
Listen, listen, listen! If you want a strong connection with your spouse, you have to listen to him or her. Kimberly explains that on top of listening, we need to make sure we are hearing our spouse’s heart. If we are sitting down and listening to our spouse talk about their day just to check off a box, we are missing the point. Tim explains that we should practice active listening with our spouses, which means to hear what they are saying, repeat them (not in an annoying way), and then ask questions specifically about what they are saying. By asking questions, it shows that we are more focused on what our spouse is trying to say than sharing our opinion on the matter. Sometimes when we are talking with our spouse, we are so ready to say what we are thinking that we forget to listen and process what they are saying to us. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Tim says, “You will never truly know your spouse until you listen when they speak.”
Learn to fight well. Fight for your marriage, not for yourself. When a relationship first begins, fights are minimal. We start in the 'honeymoon phase,' and we tend to let things go easier in the beginning. As time goes on and our baggage is all laid out, tensions can arise that we didn’t foresee in the beginning. How we handle this newfound tension is the key. We have to learn to fight for our marriage and not for ourselves. We need to make marriage about 'we' instead of 'me'. If the driver of the marriage is 'me' you are looking for your personal win and not a win for your marriage. Yes, you should try to meet the needs of your spouse to the best of your ability, but that is not your job. If our main focus is having our spouse meet all of our needs, we will always struggle in our marriage. Tim advises giving your spouse a win everyday. We have to quit being so focused on winning every argument and always being right. Tim advises us that is we want to fight well, we should keep focused on the issue at hand, and we should not bring up past issues to prove our point. Also, try to avoid sweeping statements such as "You always ___" or "You never ___." It's easy to make big, dramatic statements when we are frustrated and in the heat of the moment, but they are usually not fair or accurate statements. Tim finishes this tip by saying, “We cannot argue logically with our spouse if our focus is on being the most powerful.”
Learn to celebrate wins. Go on a coffee date with the prearranged agreement that you won't have negative conversations or talk about work. Kimberly shares that she and Tim have had romantic dates sink like a ship because they brought up negative conversations or work-related topics instead of determining beforehand that those subjects are off-limits. That is not to say that you should never talk about work or conflict with your spouse because you absolutely should have healthy conversations about those topics, but you have to know the proper time and place. You can even plan a coffee date for discussing conflict or finances or work, but also have a separate time where you both know those topics are off-limits.
That’s all we have for this week, but join us next week as we continue our series on marriage! We love you guys!
“You will never truly know your spouse until you listen when they speak.” -Tim
“Conflict in a marriage is normal, but how we handle that conflict is the key. We have to learn to fight for our marriage and not for ourselves.” -Tim
“A win for ourselves could correlate to a loss of a relationship, so is it really a win at all?” -Kimberly
“We cannot argue logically with our spouse if our focus is on being the most powerful.” -Tim
“We all long to be heard by our spouse, but if we are never given the opportunity we begin to drift apart.” -Kimberly
1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”